Welcome to the 115th school year at Holton-Arms. I want to extend a particularly warm welcome to everyone who is new to this wonderful community: our new parents, new faculty and staff, and most of all our new girls. Let’s give a particularly big hand to the new third graders, the class of 2025. I can promise all of you that you will find this a warm, supportive community where you will make lifelong connections with your friends and teachers, where you will engage deeply in the process of learning, and where you will be inspired by your teachers, by your peers, and by the women who have gone before you.
And, of course, I want to recognize the great class of 2016! Congratulations, Seniors! Thank you for helping us launch us with such spirited enthusiasm. We can certainly anticipate a great deal of creativity this year as we all stay tuned to Channel 16.
I know that all of you read books this summer because we required you to, but how many of you read a book that made you think?
Believe it or not, we adults have summer reading also. One of the books I read is called The Road to Character by David Brooks. Brooks, who actually lives quite near here, writes a column for The New York Times which basically means that almost every day he writes an essay on some topic that interests him. Periodically, he decides to explore a topic in greater depth and he writes a book. He has attracted quite a lot of attention for this, his newest book in part because he’s pretty famous and in part because he framed the book around a rather catchy dichotomy: “the difference between resume virtues and eulogy virtues.” (xi) A resume is a document that you create to outline your experience and showcase your achievements. All of you will create one, certainly by the time you are applying to college if not before. A eulogy is a speech about a person who has died, usually delivered at her funeral. Brooks argues that the qualities that make us successful, primarily in our jobs but to some degree in school too, the “resume virtues,” do not equate to our “eulogy virtues,” qualities that are at the “core of [our] being.”
I read this book very carefully and spent quite a lot of the summer thinking about it. I will spare you my critique, but I will tell you that I didn’t particularly like it and I’m not sure that I agree with a lot of what Brooks argues. However, reading and thinking about resume versus eulogy virtues led me to a couple of conclusions of my own which I am going to share with you this morning. Most importantly, I concluded that two character traits – virtues, if you will – stand above all others in importance: integrity and kindness.
Integrity is one of those qualities that can be hard to define, but that you know when you encounter it in someone. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as “the quality of being honest and fair” and “the state of being complete or whole.” While those are two separate definitions, the second one usually referring to a thing or an institution – for example, the crack in the wall had compromised the integrity of the foundation – they actually make sense together. A person of integrity is an upstanding citizen, someone who is always honest and fair, someone on whom you can rely to do what they are supposed to do and do it well. They have a wholeness about them that extends from a well-grounded moral compass. They know who they are and what they believe; they know right from wrong and do the right thing. People of integrity can look at themselves in the mirror and feel comfortable with their reflection. But people of integrity also recognize and admit when they’re wrong. They take responsibility for their actions, and try to right wrongs they commit. They are good people. For those of you who have read To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch models integrity. Integrity is a quality to which we should all aspire.
Here at Holton we have rules and expectations that help you learn integrity. We expect you to be honest in all your dealings. We expect you to treat others with respect. We expect you to do what’s right even when no one is watching. We expect you always to try your best.
While it is easier for some of us than others, we can all become people of integrity. That may mean thinking before borrowing your sister’s shirt without asking, or leaving a note on a car you hit in a parking lot even though no one witnessed the incident, or not pretending to be sick when you have a test you’re not prepared for, or resisting peer pressure to do something you know is wrong. It takes effort and sometimes is hard; sometimes you may get grief from your peers, but you’ll know in your heart that you’re doing the right thing.
Like most things, the more we practice doing the right thing, the better at it we get and the easier it becomes. Through conscious practice we can grow into being people of integrity.
The second essential virtue is kindness. Henry James, the 19th century American novelist said, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” Being kind means thinking about those around you. How are they feeling? What are they experiencing? Being kind is about being thoughtful, generous, and openhearted. It’s about sharing what we have – our possessions but also our hearts – with others. It’s about being understanding, about trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes; it’s about helping those in need – and without expecting anything in return. True kindness proceeds from selflessness. People who are kind reach out to others, making them feel welcomed and included. People who are kind do more than respect others, they embrace them. Kind people listen. People who are kind embody empathy and compassion.
Like integrity, kindness comes more easily to some than others, but like integrity it is also something we can all achieve. We can easily engage in small acts of kindness. Make an effort to include the new girls in your class. Help someone who is struggling. Be patient with your younger siblings even if they are annoying you. Be polite and nice to your parents even if they are annoying you. Make an effort to say thank you; to do something nice for someone. Above all, don’t be mean – in person, behind someone’s back, or online. Meanness is the opposite of kindness. And people of integrity aren’t mean either.
When people are kind, animosity and anxiety melt away. Kindness builds connections and makes people feel valued. Kindness creates warm, caring communities.
Maybe I’m naïve, but I don’t think that resume and eulogy virtues have to be mutually exclusive. In fact, integrity and kindness, practiced appropriately and genuinely – without being self-righteous or cloying – should help you succeed. And I would argue that if you work – or go to school -- in a place that doesn’t value those qualities – or worse, where the exercise of those qualities could hinder your advancement – you should find somewhere else. We deeply value integrity and kindness here at Holton. I personally value these qualities as well. I work hard to show integrity and be kind and this year, after my summer of contemplating virtue, I am committing myself this year to act with even more kindness and more integrity. I hope you’ll join me.